Burnout ends now. Ah, wait... Okay, now
Or, how "quitting time" can (and can't) help with work boundaries
Ding, ding, ding, ding.
The sound of the bell travelled through the room, past the heavy bags hanging from the ceiling, between the ropes of the boxing ring, until it reverberated against the paint-peeled ceilings and scuffed walls covered with faded posters of fights gone by. I took a deep breath and brought my gloved hands to my chin. I drove my left knuckles into the bag in front of me with a hard jab, quickly followed by a straight punch. As the bag swung away, I weaved to the right and attacked with a solid right and left hook, landing my fist on the exact point on the bag where my imaginary opponent’s chin would be.
Sleep was not the source of the intense charge rocketing through my body during this pre-dawn workout. It had been almost 12am by the time I logged off my work laptop, my exhausted body desperate for the sleep that had evaded me after a few nights of having my anxiety wrestle with my circadian rhythm. When I jolted awake in the pitch black, eyes wide open and completely alert, my heart sank. I reached over to my bedside table and checked the time on my phone.
4am.
The darkness settled as I weighed my options. I could stay in bed with my sleeping husband and oppressive to-do list for company or I could take a chance the boxing gym was open and release some of the adrenaline that was keeping me awake.
I opted for the latter.
This unsustainable situation was ironic. The previous Monday, I decided to start each work day by setting my “quitting time”. It was an idea I came across while listening to Mel Robbins’ audiobook, The 5 Second Rule, during my morning strength workouts. The concept spoke to my overworked soul as I edged closer towards burnout. And not for the first time in my career.
“Quitting time” goes like this…
At the start of the day, plan the time that you’ll finish work
Schedule your tasks based on the number of hours you’ll be working
Experience Parkinson's Law in action, the idea that “work expands so as to fill the time available for its completion”
Avoid a breakdown!
Discover there’s more to life than work!
But that week, my planned 6pm finish times turned into 10pm, then 12am. My 8.30am starts began at 7am. The reality was that Parkinson’s Law did not work when one person was responsible for the workload of three.
I’m forever grateful that the head of my department recognised what was happening and immediately implemented changes to give me the extra support and resources that I needed. And so, a few weeks later when things settled down, I tried committing to a quitting time again, even setting a “go home” alarm to remind me to leave the office.
Because, if I have learnt one thing about my relationship to my career over the years, it’s this…
without boundaries,
my work life can easily slip
into unhealthy territory.
Work-related burnout was a regular fixture of my 20s and 30s. I don’t want to keep repeating this same pattern though my 40s. I have a daughter to play with. A husband to hang out with. Drums to learn. Podcasts to make. Musings to write. I want to allow space for endeavours that fill my heart.
Lara Nercessian, an executive presence and mindset expert with a postgraduate degree in psychology, gets it. “Setting better boundaries in the workplace can result in increased levels of focus and productivity, enabling you to hone in on work that actually matters. It can also significantly reduce anxiety and overwhelm.”
An industry contract suggested that I get in touch with Lara when I was looking for a career expert who could help me delve deep into the psychology of work boundaries. I wanted to know how I could make this simple idea of a “quitting time” stick. Why was it so tough
There’s a reason for this, Lara told me. “While I love the concept of setting a ‘go home’ alarm and I do agree that work expands to the time we allocate to it, having such tools and intentions will generally only yield the desired outcome once the deeper identity and embodiment work has been instilled. Intention alone is not sufficient for lasting behavioural change.”
What that means, Lara explained, is the real question we need to be asking ourselves is…
“Why are you overworking in the first instance?”
She continued: “Is it true that the job demands this of you? Or is it true that you made the job demanding?
“Do you believe that your self-worth is tied to your job title and what you do?
“Were you rewarded for your performance as a child?
“Or, did you overwork in fear of some other kind of negative behaviour or reaction?”
My answers to her questions in order: Um, I don’t know? Yes, it is. Ah, yes that also might be true? Yes. Yes. And Yes.
Ooft, that got me deep in the soul.
Over the years, a common thread has emerged when Lara’s asked her successful, yet burnout-ridden clients these probing questions. “It quickly becomes apparent that their identity has been tied to their job title. They were rewarded for being the ‘good girl’ or ‘good boy’ (or penalised for the reverse), and that they believe their worth is tied to what they do and how well they perform.
“It’s only when those hard questions are answered to uncover these deep-rooted patterns and belief systems, and years of patterns and conditioning are unravelled, that boundary-setting tools can work.”
With the help of a psychologist, I slowly began to shed the expectations, the guilt, the worry, and the feeling of responsibility that it was my job to fix every issue that arose and preemptively solve every issue that would arise in the future.
I started to recognise my patterns. I paused before doing whatever the thing was that I’d ususally do that would eventually lead to burnout. I started to recognise the sweet spot where doing well at my job wasn’t at the cost of all other areas of my life.
The last piece of the puzzle to making quitting time effective was that I found a new job, which I absolutely love, at a company that doesn’t treat its staff like host bodies for its cancerous growth ambitions.
Because, after answering all of the hard questions, what happens if
it’s
not
just
you?
Like a bad relationship where you’ve attracted someone who takes advantage of your blind devotion, what if your workplace is equally responsible for its role in stoking the burnout fire? After all, there are certain workplaces, especially in industries like the media, that aren’t conducive to wellbeing – no matter how many “wellbeing talks” they organise or “mental health first aiders” they train.
Recommended read: Surviving a toxic workplace
“The question I would contemplate is, is this just a season, an exception or the norm?,” suggested Lara.
“If it’s shorter term, then implementing boundaries (for example, you could say, ‘I will work on X but do not have the capacity to take on Y’) and creating time for spaciousness (‘I have a busy day, but I know that carving out 30 minutes for a lunch break will do wonders for how focused and energised I feel for the rest of the day’) can be short- to mid-term solutions.
“However, if there’s an ongoing issue and these working hours are considered the norm, then you may need to talk to your employer about additional support. You could say, ‘I value the company and my role here. Lately, I’ve found myself working hours beyond what is physically/mentally/emotionally possible for me, and I am really committed to working with you to create a solution that works for us all. My recommendations are X, Y, Z… I understand this may not be something that can be solved today, however, perhaps we could meet again at X time next week to discuss these solutions and ongoing work arrangements?’”
And if nothing changes and those 3am holy-f*ck-I-don’t-want-to-keep-doing-this wakeups plague you every night, it’s time to move on.
Until the next 3am Huddle,
Lizza x