In praise of half-assing it, by a perfectionist
Or, why you should challenge that all-or-nothing thinking.
I have a confession to make.
I’ve been skipping sets of my strength workouts. As someone who was trained to “finish strong!” in every training session and boxing fight — to dig deep and extract the last of my depleted energy reserves like a warrior possessed — my sloth-like actions were akin to sacrilege.
My excuses were many. It was cold and dark when my alarm went off. As the week progressed, so did my levels of exhaustion. The program had me doing five sets (five!) of each 40-rep superset (40!) and I was bored (so… very… bored).
The three-times-a-week sessions had dwindled to one and were about to hit zero. I couldn’t be bothered finishing the strength program. The only option was to quit or force my way through it. It was all or nothing.
Or was it?
I’d enjoyed the program when it was capped at four sets. So, I asked myself, why not commit to only doing four if it means I’ll actually get out of bed? Moving in some capacity was better than doing nothing at all — it was a lesson I’d learned countless times over since taking on the multifaceted roles of mum, dinner lady, bum wiper (only my daughter’s) and media professional. Even a 10-minute workout was better than the inertia of lethargy.
“When we fall into this kind of all-or-nothing thinking, our minds become less adaptable. This mindset makes every situation feel incredibly high-stakes, often more so than it is.” — Dr Justin Arocho
So, I ignored the disapproving voice of my husband in my head and the judgmental eyes of Predator-era Arnold Schwarzenegger staring at me from the poster in our garage gym. I decided I would half-ass my way through my remaining strength program and skip every fifth set. Okay, so technically it was more like 80-per cent-assing it, but still…
An invisible barrier was lifted. I was free.
My mental trickery worked and I finished the program. Best of all, it created the momentum I needed to stick to my exercise routine.
Yet the whole experience made me wonder, what other areas of life did this commitment to perfection create self-imposed, and entirely unnecessary, limitations? Or, at the other end, how else did it lead to catastrophising?
Hard relate? I’d love to hear about your all-or-nothing situations, too.
According to an article by clinical psychologist Justin Arocho, Ph.D., when we fall into this kind of all-or-nothing thinking, our minds become less adaptable. This mindset makes every situation feel incredibly high-stakes, often more so than it is.
It’s this rigid thinking that often feeds into perfectionism. It can trick us into believing we have to uphold impossibly high standards, even when a more adaptable approach would be better.
To break this cycle, Dr Arocho suggests two main strategies: First, build your awareness so you can catch yourself thinking in extremes. Mindfulness is a great tool for this. So too is cognitive-behavioural therapy.
Second, actively look for the "grey areas" in situations. Dr Arocho writes: “Life is full of nuance, variations, and ‘exceptions to the rules’. Learning to look for alternatives that exist alongside what seem like the only two possibilities can help reduce feelings of pessimism and resignation.”
This post is a live example of me uncomfortably exploring the grey area. A big part of me would rather keep tweaking these words until I’m 100 per cent happy, but my desire to stick to a regular writing habit is pulling rank.
So, here it is — my half-assed (but more like, 80 per cent-assed) words, imperfectly released into the digital world. *Sweating*
Until the next 3am Huddle,
Lizza x